Strawberry Shortcake: A Review

    So, my son decided to watch Strawberry Shortcake.
My review:
     The show begins with an opening sequence that really sets the tone. I am assured that I am in for a berry good time. The theme song is somewhat catchy, but has a mechanical feel to it that makes me think that it was composed by not a person of flesh and blood, but rather a computer somehow made of gumdrops and sprinkles of sugar.
     The plot is rather straightforward: Strawberry Shortcake's little sister, Apple Dumpling, is having a birthday so they must gather the proper items to throw a proper party. But, the plot seems to be none of our business, as this is certainly a character driven story. The primary conflict lies in the relationship between Strawberry and her Cat, Custard.
     While Strawberry insists on a rich diversity of acquaintances, the apparently racist Custard wants only to meet others of her kind, as she is clearly prejudiced against anyone who is not a cat. However, one cannot help but feel a certain level of sympathy for the poor feline as she tries so berry hard to locate some food for herself. The ecology of this world does not seem geared toward providing sustenance for carnivorous creatures. She keeps asking for "tuna flavored berries", "tuna cookies", anything with tuna in it! But, everyone just laughs at her as they feast on high calorie foodstuffs. One particularly dark moment comes when Orange Blossom (an African American who spends all her time picking fruit in the orchard and "loves" her lot in life) gives Custard a bowl of milk. I cheered a little for the poor feline. As far as I could tell, she hadn't had a proper meal in weeks, if ever. At this point, she had only eaten a cookie that was SHAPED like a tuna (given to her by Ginger Snap, an Asian American who stereotypically runs a highly efficient production facility), which is not nutritionally appropriate. As soon as she starts to lap up the sweet, succulent bovine mammary juice, Strawberry's dumb dog, Cupcake, crashes through and knocks the bowl over, splashing milk everywhere. The tragedy is laughed off by the other characters while poor Custard continues to starve. And that brings up the subject of Cupcake.
     Cupcake, as mentioned before, is Shortcake's dog. For the first half of this show, he is not just the only male character, but he is the sole non sentient being. The cat talks, the pony talks, the damn BERRIES talk, but not the BOY, this DOG. And, of course, he causes ALL the problems experienced by the title character. He's hyper and stupid, always breaking things and making messes, but they all put up with him because he's "cute". It's obvious that this is pure femi-Nazi propaganda parading as children's entertainment, teaching little girls that they have to keep their men on leashes or the imbecilic animals are going to break the cookie machine. I'm not clear on the symbolism of the cookie machine, but I'm sure that if I figured it out I would be upset.
     Anyway, the dialogue is flat, the voice acting is cringe-worthy, the ambient music is a confusing blend of pop-metal guitar riffs and Chinese techno, and the animation is substandard at best. I sort of fell asleep at some point, but I do recall that the story wrapped up nicely. They had everything for Apple Dumpling's bitchin' party.
     Maybe I just don't fit within the target demographic, but I give this show one star, and that's being berry berry generous.